is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
