I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
