I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
