My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
