How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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