I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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