Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
