I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
