I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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