It's like a parade of train wrecks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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