every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
