I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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