was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize