Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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