Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
