He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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