Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
