need another drink. this is the easiest way
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
