A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
