My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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