I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize