So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
