I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
