Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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