I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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