You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
