we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
