we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
