i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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