Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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