Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
