She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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