Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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