Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this will be a night to untag.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
40s are totally the cure
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
