the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
