Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.