So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My vagina is officially offended.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
