Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.