Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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