Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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