I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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