it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who died my cat blue again?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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