you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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