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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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