At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
