Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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