my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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