I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
