if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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