I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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