3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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