I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
