It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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