Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
