So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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