You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
