Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
a search helicopter?!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
