Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
