I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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