Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
