I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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