I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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