Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
