Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
