All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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