Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
