just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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