you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
