Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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