I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
