Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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