I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
