I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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