Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
