Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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