my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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