I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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