I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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