Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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