yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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