This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
