you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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