I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
