I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
